Undeath
by Yum Yum Scorpion
Summary: Leon buys a pet with a penchant for philosophy. Short, lame, super selfinvolved. Rated for yaoi, potentially offensive religious content, and, uh, a curseword or two I think...


"He told me you know."

"I know?"

"That you know... things."

"Perhaps. 'Things' is a very broad term."

"Can you tell me something?"

"What's that?"

"Why?"

"Why..."

"Why all this? Why do bad things happen to us? To me? Did I do something wrong?"

"Ah. I see. Do you want to know why men suffer?"

"Men suffer, my friend, because the Scorpion loves the Scarab."

"The Scorpion... what kind of swamee bullshit is that?"

"Life is horrible, isn't it, friend?"

"...I don't--"

"Life is, indeed, unpleasant. Such a corrupt, petty world you live in. Such vulgarity and violence, such savagery! And yet, you continue to live here. Why is that?"

"I... I don't know. I can't just, I can't just kill myself."

"Can't you? Would it be difficult? The human body is a very flimsy instrument, you know."

"I just can't. People don't go around blowing their brains out."

"Oh, but they do. Don't you read the paper? Suicide is among the top three reapers of human life in the world. Your brothers are ascending at a rate of three a minute, three of which every five minutes is at their own hands."

"I'm..."

"Are you afraid to die?"

"I am."

"Don't be ashamed, friend. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Death is frightening, isn't it? The annihilation of your awareness. Or are you a God-fearing man? Do you believe the Lord will lock you in inferno once you fall?"

"I'm Athiest."

"You are not afraid of death, my friend. You are afraid of the loss of life which, for all its cruelty, is the most beautiful entity in existence. From your conception, the human being falls deeply and fatally in love with the fair and fragrant deity of creation. First the tender and warm black of the womb, then an explosion of foreign colour and sounds, juxtaposition of the highest caliber. Regardless of race, sex, personality... no living creature is immune to the existential love that ties them inexorably to the plain of light."

"Does that answer your question, my friend? Men suffer because they choose to."

"Can I ask another question?"

"Would you like to know a secret, friend?"

"Okay."

"He loves you too."

* * *

The Count smiled, clasping long bloodtipped fingers modestly before him. The tiny curl of his dark mouth seemed an ungodly reflection of sexuality. Leon swallowed and stared intently at his sneakers.

"I take it you like her, Detective?"

"Um. Yeah. She--it's cool. I'll take it. How much?"

The smile widened infinitesimally and a slender white palm lifted in a dismissive gesture. "For my favourite officer? You distress me, Detective. There is no charge."

At a more coherent moment, the American would of let an exclamation of the Count's inauspicious motives. There was none in him, however. He lifted a tiny wooden cage to his face and peered inside. There lay a curious item; an insect, with a becoming iridescent carapace like a scarabs' and the elongated sting of a scorpion. What Leon saw was a tiny fairy-like girl with bright earthy curls and eyes of immortal wisdom. It made a small humming noise with the rough of its front legs; Leon heard her giggle.

"Contract?"

"No contract for her, Detective. She is an outstandingly docile creature. You may let her move freely about her home. She will eat the pests there and come to your voice."

He nodded. His mouth was dry. He raised his eyes from the young lady nestled in the palm of cherrywood hands to the Chinaman, whom he recognized for the millionth time as unnaturally lovely.

_the most beautiful entity in existence_

He remembered that, in a simpler time, he had thought "D" stood for "Death".

* * *

_...Did that make any sense at all to anyone? D is 'Life'. Human beings (Leon) suffer because they can't kill themselves because they have fallen in love with Life (D). Okay? OKAY? God, I suck so much. I have to plug neogaianism in nerdy anime fanfiction._

_Also... Scorpions and scarabs are the traditional star-crossed lovers. Polar opposites and twins with a secret, sinful love affair. Heeheehee, I love bugs..._

_Um, please R&R. Please. Even if it's just to say "_YOU SUCK! STFU HO_". This is my first PSoH fiction (first on too... Whoooooo I'm going to hell!) and I really want to improve._


End file.
